I thought about putting this in the introduction post but decided it should be its own entry. A lot of what I post on here will be news to many people, especially family and friends who read this. So much is the ugly truth of the many thoughts and scars I carry with me. My depression dates back to high school and it’s appeared through countless experiences and life events to varying degrees. There’s self-harm, suicidal thoughts and ideation (as recently as 2022), envy, judgment, anger, and so many boundaries drawn toward friends and family. A lot of muting people or unfollowing them on Facebook and Instagram. And while I’ve never wished for anyone to experience infertility or pregnancy loss, I have indirectly wished for someone to relate fully to my issues rather than having to piecemeal multiple people’s smaller stories into my life.

Writing about it now means I’m in a good place mentally and emotionally. I wouldn’t put myself in a compromising position if my thoughts were detrimental to my mental health and well-being. The biggest reason for all this to become public knowledge is to rid my mind of holding onto everything and suffering alone with my thoughts. Isabelle knows the gist of stuff but the only place where most of this gets discussed is in therapy.

Yes, I’ll paint myself in a terrible light. I’ll be ashamed admitting some things. But I’ll also celebrate the progress and which boundaries had to be drawn and then crossed to get the resolution I needed. If we can normalize vocalizing the worst stuff we carry and safely dispel it from our hearts and minds, the less baggage we will carry and the more trusting we can become. Imagine how freeing it can be if you can feel comfortable sharing your deepest regrets in a trusting atmosphere. I’m willing to lay everything out, the good, bad, ugly and abhorrent, if it means I can let go and move forward with a clearer conscience. I’d welcome more love in my heart than baggage, regret and guilt. Wouldn’t everyone?

Everything I share is intentional. Some things may make a difference quickly while others will take longer. But I think it’s important to address that this blog won’t have filters or censors. I won’t name names but I will share personal experiences, good and bad. It’s your choice to read it or not. But it’s my story and I want to share it.