In mid-June 2023, Isabelle and I checked emails daily for fostering placements and hoped we’d see one we felt confident enough about for our first placement. We preferred up to two kids, any gender, aged 0-8. We had a twin bed in each kid’s room with age-appropriate toys and books. Many placements we considered had bigger age ranges between the two kids and we had to compromise frequently as we wondered who would be our first placement. We said yes to two different placements but one placement was already claimed while we had questions about the other and kept waiting for answers.

Then came June 20. We both had our email notifications turned off after a recent vacation out of state. Isabelle gets home from work around 4 each day and I work remotely from our dining room until 5. I saw the placement email just before Isabelle got home. When she walked into the room, she said our intake director of our fostering agency called Isabelle on her way home. Isabelle and I immediately discussed the placement email and gauged our interest and confidence. We spent maybe 10 minutes talking about it. We felt fairly confident about the 5-year-old girl but the 2-week-old baby gave us pause as we had nothing on hand for a newborn. The baby was in the NICU and no one knew when he was to be released. We called Isabelle’s mom in our limited time and while Isabelle and I seemed hesitant to say yes outright, her mom reminded us that we’d be hesitant for any placement. While on the call, the intake director texted asking for an update. I told her we were still considering it and she responded “hurry.” In our relationship, I’m the over thinker who cannot stop imagining doomsday scenarios and unreasonable doubts. But I was the one who first said yes and Isabelle quickly agreed. That was a huge achievement alone but I will unpack that later. Isabelle called back to accept the placement a minute after the text.

While Isabelle was on the phone getting all the info, I went upstairs to start getting the girl’s room ready. We had the furniture set up in the rooms and the beds made but not much else. I was opening toys, locating toiletries, rearranging drawers and sorting unopened items. Isabelle came up to tell me someone from Department of Child Services (DCS) was bringing the girl from a few towns away so we should expect her around 6 p.m. We weren’t given much info because the kids had not been in foster care before and this would also be their first placement. We only knew that the girl was well-behaved, liked to water flowers and was friendly to the DCS staff she met earlier that day.

After the bedroom was mostly put together and other tasks completed, we sat on the porch swing to await their arrival. We stared down every car that passed our relatively quiet street for about 10 minutes. They pulled up and parked and the girl jumped out and was eager to find out if we had other kids and what we were going to do that night. She came with a backpack of coloring books and toys, a box that DCS gave her with basic essentials, and a paper bag full of clothes. She immediately started playing with the farm and animals set we had in our living room. The DCS worker gave us a medical passport and that’s all. We had no other info, no document saying we were her foster parents, nothing. She was happy to see her room and that our house had stairs as she came from a single-level home.

The DCS worker left but not before the girl asked when she would see him again and if next time he could bring his dogs. She told us she liked Happy Meals so I got McDonald’s for dinner. She ate a cheeseburger and fries in the span of Isabelle and I eating a few nuggets and fries. After eating, I left to meet my mom at Walmart to figure out what we needed and nervously throw items in the cart like I was on Supermarket Sweep. A sidewalk chalk set, Disney memory tile game, board games, underwear, shoes, sandals, a few outfits, a booster seat, socks, swimsuit, swim towel, bubbles, Fruit Loops and many other items filled the cart. None of it made me feel in control of anything and the only thing on my mind was her and not anything we’d need for her baby brother.

I got home after 9 and Isabelle was still trying to accomplish bedtime. We watched TV until 11 but she didn’t seem to be getting tired at all. Isabelle and I were both up past our bedtime. She kept asking when she would see her parents and get to go home. But she didn’t show any malice toward us or the situation. She also said she always slept in bed with her parents. Isabelle hung out with her in her room and found a repeating lullaby to accompany while she slept. The hallway, closet, and overhead lights were all on, as well as one nightlight.

We didn’t know a lot but we had survived the first six-ish hours with a kid in our home. Isabelle worked on Wednesday but I was able to take the day off. On Wednesday, we found out the baby would be discharged on Thursday. There was still a twin bed set up in that bedroom…